There’s something utterly sexy about confidence. I think that sentiment is universal. In part, I think confidence is earned by how you feel about where you’re spending your time and the balance you’ve reached in your life. The better the balance, the sexier the partner.

It’s not a new idea that there’s more to life, more to our identity than our work. But it’s a lesson many don’t take to heart until late-middle age because we’re busy or we’re chasing a goal or there’s just too much to do to find balance in a day. I am one of those people. I fought so hard, working crazy hours and pushing myself to put myself on the career trajectory I dreamed of. The idea of taking time out to foster a hobby that could pull away from my work or inspire any distraction seemed to run counter to my greater efforts. Others don’t have the luxury of having time off to even consider how they’d spend it. But whatever balance someone can strike, even if it’s a little work heavy – finding it for yourself is important.  Especially if you want to find someone to add to that balance.

I’m reminded of this lesson from a man I just met who seems to have figured it out years ago. I’m not quite sure how, but he’s fostered hobbies, interests, and connections and followed them through to fill out his calendar with so many options outside of work, that he always has something different to look forward to. Not only does that make things interesting, in changing the pace of the day and the people who fill it, but I think it makes him a more interesting partner. He’s not my partner, (#stillsingle) but you get where I’m going with this. Not only do you have more stories to share, you have more going on independently that does not revolve around your relationship, which I think leads to a independent confidence that can only make it stronger.

I believe the better we know ourselves by how far we’ve explored striking a balance and taking a little off the edges here and there to craft the life we want, the more we get out of it. The more we learn, the more we give, the more we grow. I mean it’s totally cheesy.

But when I meet someone whose hobby or interest lies in another realm from their work, I’m fascinated. The topic doesn’t necessarily have to interest me, but the fact that they’re devoting time – passion – the finite amount of energy we have in a day toward something I’ve never really explored: it makes my brain light up with curiosity.

It’s like if someone has an accent if they are passionate about how they live their life – I’m toast.