The title of this blog is partially to acknowledge it has been a while since my last update. I wish I could tell you I lost track of time rolling around in bed with Orlando Bloom, but sadly, that’s not the case! It was Channing Tatum… (insert sigh here.)

As my friend Laura says, “I’m back in the program.” Meaning, I’ve exhausted my possibilities, false starts, and pen pal texting chains and am ready to launch yet again into the world of dating apps. So is Laura.

But in reaching out to these guys, it’s usually hard to figure out what to say. It can feel like an echo chamber. Some apps which are known for having the hot guys also have the silent ones apparently.

A friend of mine uses a version of the same line each match – asking a totally random question like, ‘Complete pi past 3.14…’ and then they do. Pretty smart actually. She plays to their desire to be seen as intellectuals (or at the least someone who passed 8th grade) and they take the bait. I have to say, it’s a little more clever than ‘Hey. How was your weekend?’

Some of the apps, like Bumble, make it so the matches only have one day to respond. So it doesn’t really matter what you say, it’s just luck if they check it in time. And anyone who is checking into multiple apps once a day is making connecting with strangers more of a priority than I am, that’s for sure. Come to think of it, I don’t know one person who is just on one app!

The most successful online conversation starters for me seem to be saying something funny about a photo and asking a question to follow it up. Or offering that you had a similar experience (but you actually had to have that experience, which can be hard if a guy’s profile is solely gym selfies.)

Frankly, we all know that if they are interested they’ll respond, even if you have a typo. Blame autocorrect. Don’t be anything but yourself and don’t force it. It’s about making a go at it – and keeping all the conversations straight, which your married friends will find hilarious. They don’t know our struggle. It’s like going to three cocktail parties back to back, having polite, surface level conversation with a dozen people at each and then being asked to remember their names. Nope – not happening.

Best of luck out there, ladies. If you come up with some kind of mnemonic device to keep ’em straight, do share.