I wasn’t sure exactly what to do while sitting in on the third date with a sweet, handsome, employed and seemingly non-serial killer realizing I didn’t feel sparks. I am of the mind that love and attraction are something that can grow, but a romantic connection – that buzz of touching his hand, the butterflies, the unbridled squealing excitement – I’m not sure that comes in time. In fact, I think you’ve either got it or you don’t.

And me and Teddy Bear Tuesday, or Teddy as we’ll call him, did not. I give him that moniker because it fits not only his size but in personality. Well, and the day we met, but you probably figured that out. The question is, how long do you give a budding relationship before you have the difficult conversation of telling someone you don’t feel “it.”

For me, it ended after three dates, all of which were filled with nice conversation, a phone call, daily check ins, an unfortunate Beauty and the Beast gif and thoughtful planning, including positive indicators that he could treat others well and loved his mom. But when he told me he’d invited his friend and said friend’s fiance to join us on our next date…it felt like too much pressure to drag two other people into my uncertainty.

The thing is, while inevitably one person is always more invested in the relationship than the other, don’t you think that exchanging sparks is a two-way deal? I guess I’m saying I doubt he felt them either but was possibly ignoring that fact – or maybe he’s of the lot that believes sparks can come later. (Putting my thinking hat on and getting nowhere…)

So in the end, I come off as the jerk who ended things when she didn’t feel enough to warrant it moving forward. I was called “shallow,” as he obviously missed the point that it really didn’t have to do with his looks and more that indefinable something that was missing.

I do wish Teddy well. Though he ought to be nicer to a girl who is also confused herself about how smart it is to turn away a good man. I can compromise, but I can’t settle for a relationship without sparks.