I hope it hasn’t happened to you. I hope you haven’t done it to someone else. But chances are, I’m wrong. We’re talking about ghosting today, ladies.
There’s no way to tell if someone is a ghost. That’s why it’s infuriating. You’re chatting, maybe you’ve been on a date or two, maybe you’ve (gasp!) slept together and all of the sudden, without notice…crickets. It’s not just a break in communication, it’s the death of communication. And it’s usually intentional — unless you want to play out the scenario he got hit by a car and is in a coma. That’s likely not the case, though for your sake, I hope it is.
I’m introducing you to Mr. M today. Mr. M and I were matched on one of the many apps that promise to find us a connection and that it did, albeit a long distance one. He lived hours away, but was planning to move to my city and was recently in town visiting friends, hence how we were matched. I’m on the hunt but not quite as desperate as to set my match radius 2,000 miles out.
Mr. M and I talked for weeks. We texted during the day, complete with photos. We had a few video chats before bed. The holidays came around and the communication increased as we were both off work and enjoying our short-lived schedule free lives. Bonding over bunking in our family’s odd rooms – me in my brother’s room and he, in a playroom for his nephews, one thing led to another and our admiration for each other boiled over to a physical conversation. This is not something I take lightly.
A few texts were exchanged the next day, including one where he sweetly called the “conversation” our Christmas gift to each other. Days went by and the calls stopped, the texts abated and thinking it had little to do with me, I called him on it. It’s the holidays – we all have our troubles – and I thought perhaps some had caught up with him, rightly so. He apologized for his distance and confirmed he needed some time to unplug.
Five days later. Not a peep. Keep in mind ladies, this is long distance. So when it comes to space, he has an abundance. But when there were no well-wishes, emojis (or even something more scandalous) three days after New Year’s Eve came and went, I realized I was disappointed but more importantly, it wasn’t how I want to be treated. I wrote him that while I understand the need to unplug and recharge, doing so this early in a budding relationship wasn’t going to work for me. It seemed to me perhaps this wasn’t the right time to get involved and to let me know if and when he does move to my fair city, wherein we could try again.
No response. Still, to this day. I was ghosted.
It’s easy to do in this day and age of online personas where one can simply disappear. If we lived in the same small town, I’m sure it wouldn’t have happened. I can’t say any more to him – there’s no point. And I understand there’s little he could say at this point that would justify the time which has passed (other than being in a coma.)
Now, I’m no angel. I’ve disappeared on matches before when the conversation went stale, or I lost interest and they probably did as well. But once you’ve gone on a date, you are responsible for communicating to Mr. ‘OMG he had bruschetta in his teeth the whole night and talked about his mother and his taxes’ that your connection is not something you’d like to pursue. Otherwise, you’re not taking the high road my lovelies. In fact, you’re a ghost.